Find Me Now Love - Sex, Women and Men

Find Me Now Love Blog Post
Sex, Women and Men
During my many years of counseling couples, I have frequently worked with the sexual problems that frequently occur in committed relationships. The most common complaint from men regarding sex is frequency, and the most common complaint from woman is lack of emotional intimacy.
There is a very good reason why these are the most common complaints – men and women are very different when it comes to sex!
The biological sexual drive, or lack of it, relates to how much testosterone is present. Men biologically have much more testosterone than women. Men’s biology equips them to be alert for sex most of the time, which is nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species. Women, on the other hand, often do not experience a biological sexual drive unless they are in the center of their menstrual cycle. This fact can create a large problem in relationships.
I’ve often heard men complain that:
“I think if my wife really cared about me and my needs, she would have sex with me even when she wasn’t turned on.”
“I don’t reach out for sex much anymore because I’m tired of being rejected, but my wife says she wants to be pursued in a romantic way. This feels like a no-win to me.”
“My wife is in control of our sex life . If she wants it, then we have it. If she doesn’t, then I have no say about it.”
I’ve often heard women complain that:
“My husband often comes to me like a needy small teenager , needing me to appease him or validate him with sex. There is nothing erotic about an insecure, needy little teenager !”
“I often feel pulled on for sex, as if having sex is more necessary than caring about me. When I do what he wants, I feel used, and when I don’t, I run into hers anger, resentment, blame or withdrawal. It feels like a no-win.”
“He always seems to be alert for sex, but I don’t feel turned on unless we're feeling close . I can’t just watch TV all evening and then feel like making love.”
The very real issue here, at minimum for most men beneath 40, is that they're biologically motivated and women are mostly emotionally motivated. Heterosexual women get turned on when their man is warm, open, caring, and personally powerful. Most women are not turned on by a man who is closed, distant, angry, blaming, or needy.
The problems of frequency can get resolved as men and women learn to understand and accept each other’s differences. Men need to understand and accept that women are not as biologically motivated as men are. Many women rarely even think about sex, while most men will tell you that they think about sex frequently throughout the day. When men understand that women are turned on by love, romance, emotional intimacy, warmth, caring, and personal power, then men may be motivated to learn to be the fond , powerful and romantic partners that women want and need.
When women can accept that men’s biology is very present for them, they can stop putting men down for it and start supporting their men in creating more emotional intimacy, romance, and personal power. When women criticize men instead of understanding and accepting them, they help to create some of the insecurity that is such a turn off to many women. When a man can appreciate rather than demean him woman for hers sexuality, she can discover ways of meeting his needs lacking feeling used.
Understanding and accepting each other’s differences and needs can lead both men and women toward more satisfying sex lives.
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Find Me Now Love - Can Sex Toys Save Your relationship?

Find Me Now Love Blog
Can Sex Toys Save Your relationship?
It's an interesting question I know, to which most may have already made up their minds and come up with an immediate response of no but before you shut the door on this one let me go on. With a divorce rate in England and Wales in upwards of 150,000 per year (which is more than half the rate of marriages no less) and shows no sign of dramatic reduction is it possible that we aren't prescribing the right 'medicine'?
We all know that marriage should be a union of love, friendship and intimacy; particularly a healthy sex existence but it seems that the lack of the latter can frequently be the major contributor when it comes to marriage breakdown. So with all the information at our fingertips and the ever increasing statistics staring us in the face why is that our sex lives are being paid less and less attention?
One reason has to do with our complete lack of ability to communicate about anything that's remotely taboo and it is this exact loss of communication skills and the ignorant yet hopeful attitude that 'things will sort themselves' which can ear mark a marriage for probable separation within 12 months.
Our hectic lifestyles aren't helping either. Sex is way down on the note of things to do, sadly being replaced by the longer hours at work, the school run, the shopping and the abode work. Put frankly many don't have time for sex anymore and there must be an increase in the popularity of the use of the phrase 'I'm too tired' - I'd like to see those statistics!
Low sex marriages across the board frequently share the same symptoms; you only have sex a many times a month, sex is a chore, you schedule sex, you don't fantasize about your partner, there's no sense of adventure and neither of you are frisky anymore. Suffering these symptoms? If so a remedy is needed but it might not be what you are thinking. So what's the solution?
Step 1 - Start talking. A fundamental concept that needs to be grasped is that communication is paramount. How can you accurate a problem if one half of your relationship doesn't know that one exists? It has been proven time and time again that couples who communicate well and share activities together often have a much more sexually active relationship.
Step 2 - Make time. Often couples that end up going elsewhere for a weekend or manage to escape the children for any substantial periods of time discover that they have what can only be described as 'honeymoon sex'. The reduced workload and subsequent lower stress levels seem to remove inhibition and rekindle the slowly dwindling flame.
Step 3 - Spice it up. If it isn't unused , it's through. Consider spicing up your bedroom. It's the quickest and cheapest way to give you both a alter of scenery and even a subtle hint like changing the usual light bulb for a shade of rouge can make a huge impact.
Step 4 - Look in the toy box. Many still think of sex toys as being scary looking vibrating gizmos that can only be found in the dodgy back street sex shops found in the nasty side of town - not anymore. Sure you can still find these but when it comes to relationships often it's better to take a more subtle approach.
When choosing any marital aids choose the ones that will offer the greatest chance of increased intimacy and not just the latest craze. Generally the area of sex that offers amplified intimacy levels is foreplay. Concentrate on this area and get to know your partner all over again. Make it fun with a handful of accessories like the classic blindfold, maybe some fluffy handcuffs and some daring dice that dictate an act to be carried out with every roll.
Keeping your choices to a select few will have the desired effect of keeping the focus on you and your partner and not the new additions. There's no point having the latest toys that receives all the attention and hoping that your relationship will be ok at this time , the focus should be on what they can add to your sex existence , not be the central portion of it. So, can sex toys save your marriage? On there own, no. However, as portion of a larger scheme to pay more attention to your sex lives, maybe they're just what the doctor ordered.
findmenowlove

Find Me Now Love - Couples and Sex Toys, The Coming Together

Find Me Now Love Blog
Many folks have owned, seen, or thought of owning sex toys, but many couples don't explore sex toys together. Perhaps it is because many folks view sex toys as dirty or one thing that does not need to be done within a marriage or serious relationship.
Or perhaps it is simply because we have a tendency to be embarrassed about such matters. If more couples would come together and realize that sex toys and a playful attitude towards sex and their time together in the bedroom then a great deal of folks would be happier with their sex lives. Sex toys can allow couples to experiment with one another and their own sexuality in unused and exciting ways.
Sex toys don't have to be looked at in a negative light like many folks look at them. They aren't dirty or even anything to be embarrassed about. Of course, the vast majority of people wouldn't donate rave reviews over a unused sex toy of some sort over dinner with their family, but these toys aren't anything that shouldn't be enjoyed.
In fact, they are produced to be enjoyed by consenting adults that have nothing to be embarrassed about! And, when couples can enjoy such things they can learn how to interact sexually in new and exciting ways. It's a great idea for couples to talk about sex and sex toys as soon as they begin a sexual relationship. The longer you wait to talk about such matters, the more awkward it will become.
Even if you've never owned any sex toys in the past, you should be able to express your desire to go shopping for some toys that will accentuate your already steamy sex life . Going shopping for the first time can be a little awkward, but that's why the couple should decide to share all of their feelings while shopping! They ought to be able to express what they like, what they find fascinating , and what they think is absolutely disgusting. Just the sex toy shopping experience can bring a couple closer together because they'll learn new things about one another.
There are a lot places to buy sex toys, but buying them online is a great idea if one or both folks are feeling a bit nervous about it. Buying online will permit you to see full color, vivid pictures of all of the sex toys you might ever imagine lacking actually stepping foot in an adult store! When you order sex toys online everyone can get what they need and it will arrive at your front door within a matter of days so that the play can begin !
Some toys you'll find that you really enjoy as a couple while others you can simply play or not play with. Couples may find that they only pull out their sex toys once a month, but it's the knowledge that there are always new and fun ways to please one another that makes sex toys so much fun. Whether you plan to play with them all of the time or every one time and again, sex toys can be a very good thing for couples that have just begun and those that have been together for quite some time.
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