Find Me Now Love - Emotional Infidelity

Find Me Now Love Blog Post
Emotional Infidelity: Tactic to Save the Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is “in love” with someone else is devastating. I hear often , “I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and “love” someone else…man, that is hard .” What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage? So frequently the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win him back.”
He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face . Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to him family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. She is on her like a fly on doo-doo. It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason he has discovered all the stimulation and excitement he supposedly needs in him unused discovered “love.” At a deeper level this is confusing sufficient for the cheating husband or cheating wife .
Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to near the door on the marriage even further. Plus, he is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices him and blows around him . If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can assist her in ways she actually seeks. She also is liable to create a polarity and start comparing you to him . With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top .
Sorry! Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!” Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain! Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course. She needs the space. He needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within.
There will be a voice within her that says, “This won't final . Is this what I actually need ? At some time I must live in the genuine world . Where is this taking me? Is this where I actually need to go? Why am I so dependent on him ? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him ? What does this say about me?” This is him opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in him way. I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.
At this point with those I coach, I educate them a skill called "charging neutral" to assist "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you profit more confidence in you – apart from what he does with him – that you construct a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm. This is your opportunity to increase to another level. Oh, by the way. He will notice! And….she might like it. Backing off doesn't cruel that you don’t have anything to do with him . Quite the contrary.
You want to maintain your contact with her , but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts him with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage. Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.
findmenowlove.com

Find Me Now Love - Cheating Spouse

Find Me Now Love Blog Post
Cheating Spouse: 7 Motives for Spying
Should you spy on your cheating wife or husband ? You believe you see signs of a cheating spouse. The need to know whether your spouse is cheating and EXACTLY what kind of cheating is taking place is frequently strong . There are a number of reasons why the drive to spy is powerful. Here are seven:
1. Seeing signs of a cheating spouse often cruel secrets. Secrets are work! There isn't much written about the impact of a secret in a relationship, but believe me, in over two decades of working with strained relationships day in and day out, keeping a secret has a powerful impact. It is the proverbial elephant sitting in the room that no one dare talk about. People take extraordinary measures to tip toe around it, but it IS there. Emotionally, you can’t miss it. Secrets are a drain. If the secret persists, its impact is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People become physically ill, sometimes seriously so. People become depressed. People begin doing crazy things. Children begin acting out, halt achieving, become listless or exhibit a host of other symptoms. Children, or the next generation, often haul the emotional load. You want to spy because you don’t want to live with a secret. You need to discover the truth. You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive existence .
2. Spying on a cheating spouse may be an honest attempt to bring resolution to the relationship. You need to know the truth. You sense something doesn't fit. You suspect there is a breach of one thing . You need to know what you are up against. You aren't willing to stand pat and wait. You are a person of action. You want some sort of movement. You need to get on with the relationship. You need to get on with your existence . You know that it is difficult maintaining your sanity when there might be this enormous elephant that no one is talking about. You need to know the truth, front the truth, deal with the truth and be release .
3. Some of us like drama. Soap opera scenarios and adrenaline based lives are a hallmark of our society. We get juiced or pumped up entering into emotional relational triangles that offer interest . Without adrenaline, life seems boring or ordinary . Perhaps an unspoken reason for an affair may be to fan the fire? Or, you may spy on your cheating spouse to keep the sense of being alive a portion of your life .
4. Trust is a large reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably for some time you've sensed one thing is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted your cheating wife or cheating husband and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a portion of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn't fit! I don't believe it! To deny this portion of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil. If the truth as you suspect it is confirmed, you can take a deep breath and at minimum know that you can trust yourself. You are NOT CRAZY! Spying is a way to confirm your suspicions and believe more fully your gut feelings.
5. Cheating husbands or cheating wives often , unfortunately, lead to the demise of marital relationships. If you strongly suspect this to be true for your situation you will need to protect yourself legally. If there is betrayal, lying and deception regarding a third party, other forms of deception might exist financially or in other areas of the relationship. Having “evidence” does have some impact in some court systems. Whether you need to protect yourself legally depends on the kind of affair facing you and the character of your spouse. Please read through my “7 Reasons For an Affair” to determine the situation that faces you. If your spouse is someone who can’t say no, doesn’t want to say no or is acting out rage, please make sure to take protective steps.
6. You might need to protect yourself medically if you suspect you have a cheating wife or husband . You might be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. Your health may be at stake. And, of course, you need to know. Shame, guilt or self-absorption may be so powerful in your partner that it gets in the way of responsibly informing you of the medical dangers when another partner is sexually brought into your relationship.
7. Spying on cheating husbands or cheating wives often helps the person feel connected to the partner who seems to be steadily moving away . It is a way of maintaining contact and having some sort of connection to this stranger who one time was well known. Isn’t it like the game of hide-and-seek we used to play as youngsters ? Sometimes there, sometimes gone. At minimum it is a game , and a game is at minimum some contact, some involvement . You miss the connection and attempt to find someway to maintain the ties.
findmenowlove.com