Find Me Now Love Blog Post
Emotional Infidelity: Tactic to Save the Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is “in love” with someone else is devastating. I hear often , “I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and “love” someone else…man, that is hard .” What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage? So frequently the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win him back.”
He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face . Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to him family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. She is on her like a fly on doo-doo. It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason he has discovered all the stimulation and excitement he supposedly needs in him unused discovered “love.” At a deeper level this is confusing sufficient for the cheating husband or cheating wife .
Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to near the door on the marriage even further. Plus, he is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices him and blows around him . If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can assist her in ways she actually seeks. She also is liable to create a polarity and start comparing you to him . With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top .
Sorry! Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!” Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain! Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course. She needs the space. He needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within.
There will be a voice within her that says, “This won't final . Is this what I actually need ? At some time I must live in the genuine world . Where is this taking me? Is this where I actually need to go? Why am I so dependent on him ? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him ? What does this say about me?” This is him opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in him way. I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.
At this point with those I coach, I educate them a skill called "charging neutral" to assist "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you profit more confidence in you – apart from what he does with him – that you construct a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm. This is your opportunity to increase to another level. Oh, by the way. He will notice! And….she might like it. Backing off doesn't cruel that you don’t have anything to do with him . Quite the contrary.
You want to maintain your contact with her , but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts him with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage. Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.
findmenowlove.com
Emotional Infidelity: Tactic to Save the Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is “in love” with someone else is devastating. I hear often , “I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and “love” someone else…man, that is hard .” What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage? So frequently the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win him back.”
He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face . Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to him family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. She is on her like a fly on doo-doo. It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason he has discovered all the stimulation and excitement he supposedly needs in him unused discovered “love.” At a deeper level this is confusing sufficient for the cheating husband or cheating wife .
Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to near the door on the marriage even further. Plus, he is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices him and blows around him . If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can assist her in ways she actually seeks. She also is liable to create a polarity and start comparing you to him . With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top .
Sorry! Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!” Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain! Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course. She needs the space. He needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within.
There will be a voice within her that says, “This won't final . Is this what I actually need ? At some time I must live in the genuine world . Where is this taking me? Is this where I actually need to go? Why am I so dependent on him ? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him ? What does this say about me?” This is him opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in him way. I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.
At this point with those I coach, I educate them a skill called "charging neutral" to assist "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you profit more confidence in you – apart from what he does with him – that you construct a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm. This is your opportunity to increase to another level. Oh, by the way. He will notice! And….she might like it. Backing off doesn't cruel that you don’t have anything to do with him . Quite the contrary.
You want to maintain your contact with her , but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts him with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage. Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.
findmenowlove.com
