Find Me Now Love Blog Post
Relationships: Conflict Resolution
In the final few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they frequently come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they attempt , neither ends up feeling really heard and understood. While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most folks have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes.
What often happens when they “communicate” is that each person tries to get the other person to see things his or him way. Instead of solving the problem, each is trying to have control over how the other person sees things. This frequently leads to more conflict and frustration. While I'm not suggesting that couples stop communicating over problems and issues, I'm offering an additional way of resolving conflict: taking fond action in your own behalf. This form of conflict resolution is about action rather than converse . Following are some of the actions you can take that may make a universe of difference in your relationship.
LOVING ACTIONS
1. Choose to be compassionate toward yourself and your partner rather than choosing to judge yourself or your partner. Judging yourself and your partner will always lead to more conflict. Choosing to compassionately care about yourself and your partner can totally change the energy in-between you, even lacking words. If you believe that you or your partner are bad or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you won't be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!
2. Choose to practice self-discipline in terms of saying nothing rather than behaving in an inflammatory way toward your partner. Practice zipping up your mouth! Practice letting go of having to be right! Practice walking elsewhere from a conflicted or heated situation, rather than jumping into the fray in the hopes of winning. If you see back, you will see that no one wins when both folks are trying to control with anger, blame, explanations, debating, defending, lectures, or compliance. However, if you choose to walk away , walk away with love and compassion – intent on taking fond care of yourself rather than punishing your partner. Walking away in anger is just another way to control.
3. Choose to accept that you've no control over your partner’s feelings and behavior, but that you've total control over your own actions. It is much easier to let go of trying to control your partner when you move into acceptance regarding who your partner is. Trying to alter your partner is a total waste of energy. Changing yourself moves you into personal power.
4. Choose to take fond care of yourself in the face of the other person’s choices. You will find yourself wanting to talk about problems when you see yourself as a victim of your partner’s choices. However, when you accept your partner for who she or he is and accept your lack of control over your partner, you can then see your way clear toward taking loving action in your own behalf. Asking the question, “What is the loving action toward myself right at this time ?” will lead to ideas of how to take fond care of your self. Asking, “If I were an enlightened being, how would I be acting right presently ?” will open the door to creative ways of taking loving care of yourself.
Loving actions are actions that support your own highest good without harming your partner. For example , if you are tired of frequently being frustrated and rushed because your partner is generally late leaving for an event, you might decide to take your own truck each time your partner isn't ready on time. While your partner might not like your choice, your action is not harmful to him or her . It is an action that stops the power struggle and takes care of your self. Letting go of trying to change your partner and taking fond action for your self are the keys to conflict resolution lacking words.
findmenowlove.com
Relationships: Conflict Resolution
In the final few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they frequently come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they attempt , neither ends up feeling really heard and understood. While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most folks have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes.
What often happens when they “communicate” is that each person tries to get the other person to see things his or him way. Instead of solving the problem, each is trying to have control over how the other person sees things. This frequently leads to more conflict and frustration. While I'm not suggesting that couples stop communicating over problems and issues, I'm offering an additional way of resolving conflict: taking fond action in your own behalf. This form of conflict resolution is about action rather than converse . Following are some of the actions you can take that may make a universe of difference in your relationship.
LOVING ACTIONS
1. Choose to be compassionate toward yourself and your partner rather than choosing to judge yourself or your partner. Judging yourself and your partner will always lead to more conflict. Choosing to compassionately care about yourself and your partner can totally change the energy in-between you, even lacking words. If you believe that you or your partner are bad or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you won't be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!
2. Choose to practice self-discipline in terms of saying nothing rather than behaving in an inflammatory way toward your partner. Practice zipping up your mouth! Practice letting go of having to be right! Practice walking elsewhere from a conflicted or heated situation, rather than jumping into the fray in the hopes of winning. If you see back, you will see that no one wins when both folks are trying to control with anger, blame, explanations, debating, defending, lectures, or compliance. However, if you choose to walk away , walk away with love and compassion – intent on taking fond care of yourself rather than punishing your partner. Walking away in anger is just another way to control.
3. Choose to accept that you've no control over your partner’s feelings and behavior, but that you've total control over your own actions. It is much easier to let go of trying to control your partner when you move into acceptance regarding who your partner is. Trying to alter your partner is a total waste of energy. Changing yourself moves you into personal power.
4. Choose to take fond care of yourself in the face of the other person’s choices. You will find yourself wanting to talk about problems when you see yourself as a victim of your partner’s choices. However, when you accept your partner for who she or he is and accept your lack of control over your partner, you can then see your way clear toward taking loving action in your own behalf. Asking the question, “What is the loving action toward myself right at this time ?” will lead to ideas of how to take fond care of your self. Asking, “If I were an enlightened being, how would I be acting right presently ?” will open the door to creative ways of taking loving care of yourself.
Loving actions are actions that support your own highest good without harming your partner. For example , if you are tired of frequently being frustrated and rushed because your partner is generally late leaving for an event, you might decide to take your own truck each time your partner isn't ready on time. While your partner might not like your choice, your action is not harmful to him or her . It is an action that stops the power struggle and takes care of your self. Letting go of trying to change your partner and taking fond action for your self are the keys to conflict resolution lacking words.
findmenowlove.com
