Find Me Now Love Blog Post
Emotional Intimacy
Sex... There, I've said it... There are two major hot buttons for couples that come to see me: sex and money (we'll get to money in another article). People will not generally state it up front. It feels distant too shameful to approach right off. But eventually I find that the sexual part of their existence is ho-hum, less than satisfying, a subtle power game , or a hostile battlefield. This is distant from the lusty, passionate and even sweet experience of movies and advertisements. So, what's going on in the bedroom?
First, let me assure you that many couples have a sexual life that is very fine. If you're in that category then great! If not, then peruse on. Most of us know that men and women have very different notions about sexuality. The stereotype is that men are just fascinated in bodies and women just want emotional closeness. And our culture encourages these stereotypes. However, there's also a lot of truth in them. Men, I'm going to tell you one thing you'll probably not hear anywhere else. So, listen up. At age 18 the hormones in the body work just fine.We'll immediately get an erection if we look at a naked woman .
But, by the time we reach middle age this natural biological function has actually dimmed. Except for the men with the highest of sex drives we all find that the pump has to be primed with: Emotional Intimacy. This means that we talk with our partner, look deep into her eyes, listen to what she's about and (yikes!) tell her about our deepest fears, failings, and desires to succeed. Women have known this stuff all along. My husband has always had a saying, "Love me in the kitchen, if you expect me to love you in the bedroom."
She doesn't mean grope her in the kitchen. She means to partake of life with him , to know him deeply, and to make sure she gets this message all day long. Women, it's a terribly frustrating experience to have your partner experience impotency. If you're secure and caring you want to assist him so much, but the assist is difficult to come up with. If you're insecure you might start to believe it is you're fault and you're just not woman enough to turn her on. The genuine problem is usually a lack of priming the pump.
And by that I mean real serious emotional intimacy. And generally , your partner doesn't have a clue to what this means. Usually we men learn about this stuff from you women. So, where's the 1,2,3 easy response ? Sorry to disappoint you. There isn't one. I might lose readership over this, but you need to hear the truth. Emotional intimacy requires a lasting commitment to entering the other's life in deeper and deeper ways. There are books and books written on this, but who follows the advice? So, here is your assignment for afterwhile today: Tell your partner about a fear you've never mentioned. Make sure it is one that you don't want to bring up.
Make sure it is a challenge to you. Regardless of the reaction, know that you've just taken a step of maturity that can ultimately be the step to a genuine turn on!
findmenowlove.com
Emotional Intimacy
Sex... There, I've said it... There are two major hot buttons for couples that come to see me: sex and money (we'll get to money in another article). People will not generally state it up front. It feels distant too shameful to approach right off. But eventually I find that the sexual part of their existence is ho-hum, less than satisfying, a subtle power game , or a hostile battlefield. This is distant from the lusty, passionate and even sweet experience of movies and advertisements. So, what's going on in the bedroom?
First, let me assure you that many couples have a sexual life that is very fine. If you're in that category then great! If not, then peruse on. Most of us know that men and women have very different notions about sexuality. The stereotype is that men are just fascinated in bodies and women just want emotional closeness. And our culture encourages these stereotypes. However, there's also a lot of truth in them. Men, I'm going to tell you one thing you'll probably not hear anywhere else. So, listen up. At age 18 the hormones in the body work just fine.We'll immediately get an erection if we look at a naked woman .
But, by the time we reach middle age this natural biological function has actually dimmed. Except for the men with the highest of sex drives we all find that the pump has to be primed with: Emotional Intimacy. This means that we talk with our partner, look deep into her eyes, listen to what she's about and (yikes!) tell her about our deepest fears, failings, and desires to succeed. Women have known this stuff all along. My husband has always had a saying, "Love me in the kitchen, if you expect me to love you in the bedroom."
She doesn't mean grope her in the kitchen. She means to partake of life with him , to know him deeply, and to make sure she gets this message all day long. Women, it's a terribly frustrating experience to have your partner experience impotency. If you're secure and caring you want to assist him so much, but the assist is difficult to come up with. If you're insecure you might start to believe it is you're fault and you're just not woman enough to turn her on. The genuine problem is usually a lack of priming the pump.
And by that I mean real serious emotional intimacy. And generally , your partner doesn't have a clue to what this means. Usually we men learn about this stuff from you women. So, where's the 1,2,3 easy response ? Sorry to disappoint you. There isn't one. I might lose readership over this, but you need to hear the truth. Emotional intimacy requires a lasting commitment to entering the other's life in deeper and deeper ways. There are books and books written on this, but who follows the advice? So, here is your assignment for afterwhile today: Tell your partner about a fear you've never mentioned. Make sure it is one that you don't want to bring up.
Make sure it is a challenge to you. Regardless of the reaction, know that you've just taken a step of maturity that can ultimately be the step to a genuine turn on!
findmenowlove.com
