Find Me Now Love Blog
To End or Not to End Your Relationship
Simona, 30 years ancient , is struggling with whether or not to end him six-year marriage. The answer isn't at all clear to her . Simona and Jon have a “good” marriage. They are kind and caring with each other. They enjoy many of the same things. So why is Simona in such turmoil over whether to stay or leave ? The problem is that Simona is very lonely with Jon. They are good friends, but they are not emotionally intimate. Jon has no desire to share any of his feelings with Simona, nor does he have any desire to comprehend Simona’s feelings.
He is content to keep everything on the surface, while Simona wants a deeper emotional connection. Since they have many good things in their marriage, Simona has decided to attempt marriage counseling, and Jon has agreed. Counseling or not, there is only one thing that can save this marriage – Jon and Simona shifting out of their intent to protect against pain and into an intent to learn about what's loving to themselves and each other. Jon’s intent has always been to guard against pain rather than to learn about being loving to himself and others.
She has done this by numbing out his feeling with marijuana and work. Jon’s choice to continue to guard against pain or to start to open to learning from his feelings will determine the outcome of the counseling. Simona, too, has operated with the intent to protect against pain. He has ignored him own feelings and been a “good” wife , submerging her own needs to comply with what Jon wanted . But at some point, she shifted her intent to learning about what is loving to herself, and now she realizes she cannot continue in an emotionally disconnected marriage.
The issues in your relationship may be about emotional distance, lack of passion, sexual problems, constant fighting, emotional abuse, (if there's physical abuse, then you must discover a way to leave ), or being used financially. There might be control and resistance occurring around many different issues. Yet the underlying issue is a lack of open and caring communication. And open communication only occurs when both folks have a deep intention to learn about their feelings, fears, limiting beliefs, and resulting unloving behavior. If one or both folks in a relationship are closed to learning about themselves and each other, the relationship will not heal.
If you are thinking about leaving your relationship, initial think about your own intent. Are you open to learning about your feelings, beliefs and behavior? Or, are you devoted to protecting against pain with anger, withdrawal, resistance or caretaking? Are you avoiding your feelings with substances and activities, or are you opening to learning from your feelings and exploring yourself with a process such as the Inner Bonding process that we educate ? The first thing you need to do is deal with your own intent. Once you are open to learning for a numeral of months, and really doing your inner work, then re-evaluate your relationship. Has anything changed?
Is your partner more or less open to you? Are you talking more and fighting or withdrawing less? If things are not getting better or are getting worse, then it is time to inquire your partner if he or she is willing to do some healing work with you – through counseling, workshops, and reading books together. If your partner refuses to embark on a learning journey with you, then it is clear that this relationship will not alter . At this point, you need to either fully accept it as it is or leave it. It won't become the relationship you want it to be unless both of you're open to learning. If one or both partners stay in the intent to protect , the relationship won't heal.
Yet most relationships can be healed when both folks are deeply devoted to learning about loving themselves and each other.
findmenowlove
To End or Not to End Your Relationship
Simona, 30 years ancient , is struggling with whether or not to end him six-year marriage. The answer isn't at all clear to her . Simona and Jon have a “good” marriage. They are kind and caring with each other. They enjoy many of the same things. So why is Simona in such turmoil over whether to stay or leave ? The problem is that Simona is very lonely with Jon. They are good friends, but they are not emotionally intimate. Jon has no desire to share any of his feelings with Simona, nor does he have any desire to comprehend Simona’s feelings.
He is content to keep everything on the surface, while Simona wants a deeper emotional connection. Since they have many good things in their marriage, Simona has decided to attempt marriage counseling, and Jon has agreed. Counseling or not, there is only one thing that can save this marriage – Jon and Simona shifting out of their intent to protect against pain and into an intent to learn about what's loving to themselves and each other. Jon’s intent has always been to guard against pain rather than to learn about being loving to himself and others.
She has done this by numbing out his feeling with marijuana and work. Jon’s choice to continue to guard against pain or to start to open to learning from his feelings will determine the outcome of the counseling. Simona, too, has operated with the intent to protect against pain. He has ignored him own feelings and been a “good” wife , submerging her own needs to comply with what Jon wanted . But at some point, she shifted her intent to learning about what is loving to herself, and now she realizes she cannot continue in an emotionally disconnected marriage.
The issues in your relationship may be about emotional distance, lack of passion, sexual problems, constant fighting, emotional abuse, (if there's physical abuse, then you must discover a way to leave ), or being used financially. There might be control and resistance occurring around many different issues. Yet the underlying issue is a lack of open and caring communication. And open communication only occurs when both folks have a deep intention to learn about their feelings, fears, limiting beliefs, and resulting unloving behavior. If one or both folks in a relationship are closed to learning about themselves and each other, the relationship will not heal.
If you are thinking about leaving your relationship, initial think about your own intent. Are you open to learning about your feelings, beliefs and behavior? Or, are you devoted to protecting against pain with anger, withdrawal, resistance or caretaking? Are you avoiding your feelings with substances and activities, or are you opening to learning from your feelings and exploring yourself with a process such as the Inner Bonding process that we educate ? The first thing you need to do is deal with your own intent. Once you are open to learning for a numeral of months, and really doing your inner work, then re-evaluate your relationship. Has anything changed?
Is your partner more or less open to you? Are you talking more and fighting or withdrawing less? If things are not getting better or are getting worse, then it is time to inquire your partner if he or she is willing to do some healing work with you – through counseling, workshops, and reading books together. If your partner refuses to embark on a learning journey with you, then it is clear that this relationship will not alter . At this point, you need to either fully accept it as it is or leave it. It won't become the relationship you want it to be unless both of you're open to learning. If one or both partners stay in the intent to protect , the relationship won't heal.
Yet most relationships can be healed when both folks are deeply devoted to learning about loving themselves and each other.
findmenowlove
